Do Not Disturb: Winning Race in Progress
Welcome, my friends, to the show that never ends – although another SRS season ended after a final week of thrills. Needless to say, the 4 Fun guys had a lot of stunning moments in their series and races, and although the headlines should belong to the long awaited second win for Dario Bucalo – his first and only so far dating back to the Age of Bronze – it’s time for a breaking news: Emperor Omerius is back! Or, more precisely, he wore back his laurel crown and leaved once again for a short exile. “Well, although I didn’t race a lot in the last weeks – being an Emperor doesn’t allow you to spare a lot of free time”, declared Omerius “I really need a little rest, since against medical advice I had another 20 minutes of racing behind David Broomhead’s multicolor car in Imola. To ease the consequent giddinesses, the medics suggested me to have a break and to assume massive LSD doses in order to gradually recover a normal life experience”. Anyway, his leave will be shorter than a Donnchadh MacGarry’s post, so don’t get used to first places as he’ll be back soon!
As a wise leader of men of noble principles and unlike his plebeian teammates, Kinay also decided not to race in the glitchy Silesia Ring track for the final Skoda Octavia Cup round. Everything and more happened on the Octavia racing sessions throughout the week: server unavailabilities, piled up cars at start, racers suddenly teleported to a Fortnite online server, penalties commined for having less than 10 track cuts, incident points given after sneezing and so on. Matteo Venuti had a win on his only try after starting from pits and having as opponent only a bewildered guy teleported from a Fortnite session, and a couple of flies. “Racing means being on a track with other racers. I’m a racer. Enough said.”, declared Venuti spreading his usual words of wisdom to the crowd before buying 100 gallons of green paint for his oncoming liveries.
However, as reported above Dario Bucalo was finally able to get a win on this track for a final 10th place in the ranking, his best overall result so far. After a first unlucky try – he was teleported to pits after culpably shifting from 2nd to 3rd gear – Bucalo decided to adequately prepare on chasing the win: he slept 12 hours at night, had a light meal, changed Internet connection renting a satellite for a larger bandwidth, isolated his room from rumors with polystyrene panels, hanged a DO NOT DISTURB – ARMED RACER INSIDE panel outside his door, took a day off from work, buyed a backup power source and turned his phone and his door bell off, only to realize that he was about to forget to subscribe to the race. Anyway, he jumped in right on time and finally got his longed-for victory, although all his friends and relatives were unable to congratulate him since he forgot to turn on the phone after the race while bathing on champagne.
It was also an interesting week for Gianluca Roncaglia, still having a chance to grab the first place in the Octavia series. After a win on a bizarre head to head race against the championship contender Andrea Giusto in a foggy session with wolves howling along the track, Roncaglia was able to repeat himself after that Giusto pushed the clutch instead of the brake at a hairpin in lap 1. With Giusto in need of a 102 win in order to secure his first place, Roncaglia took a blanket, a couple of sandwiches, a can of coffee and a sports driving school manual and decided to stay 24h a day before his wheel waiting for his opponent, while Bucalo asked the broadcasters to rent a TV space in order to stream the game-7 race during Superbowl’s halftime. Maurice Klerken also called Roncaglia to support and encourage him, promising to send a 10 liters of Premium beer barrel in case of championship victory. After 72 hours, anyway, while reading for the hundredth time the definition of “oversteering” on his book, Roncaglia fell suddenly asleep: Giusto then won his last race and the championship, and the worldwide audience could watch undisturbed the Superbowl’s halftime show. The nice Maurice Klerken sent anyway a 5 liter beer barrel to Roncaglia as a consolation prize – although Roncaglia discovered after opening the barrel that 3,5 liters were missing. “Don’t complain, you owed me a beer since the first time you named me in your stupid articles”, said Klerken, and Roncaglia couldn’t do nothing but searching on his driving book the definition of “underbeering”. Cheers, and see you next week with the new season!
Playlist of the week:
Living Colour – What’s Your Favorite Color? (for Omer Kinay)
King Crimson – Sleepless (for Gianluca Roncaglia)
Studebaker John & The Hawks – Some Were Born to Win (for Dario Bucalo)
Pearl Jam – Bugs (for Matteo Venuti)